


I Can't Do This Again

by Shelbazoidz



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, We need this, why does this show hurt us so?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22432774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shelbazoidz/pseuds/Shelbazoidz
Summary: Its been too long. Weeks have past and Kara isn't sure how she can keep going like this. She misses being with Lena so much but do they even have a chance?Bascially the make up scene we all wanted.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 5
Kudos: 183





	I Can't Do This Again

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my sad children! I have barely watched this season but I see there is some hot hot mess happening so how about I soothe the pain with how this should of gone down? Yes?  
> Listen to this if you wanna cry while you read: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VlxTWhoPHhY  
> (I wrote this in one sitting in a couple of hours soo...ignore any spelling mistakes)

The moon was high in the sky, it was actually peaceful for once. No sirens or emergencies, a rarity for National City. Kara sat atop a skyscraper looking out to the twinkling lights of the city. Her patrol was almost up but she didn’t feel like going home. Nothing has felt right since what happened with Lex and Lena. She felt off at work and whenever she flew past L-Corp there was a pit in her stomach. Game night wasn’t even the same. She smiled her way through it but she missed how easily her and Lena crushed it in every game they played together. God did she miss her. A week ago she almost called her over for a movie night. Her hand stopping just as she reached for her phone when she remembered they didn’t do that anymore. A stay tear slipped down her face, she didn’t even realize she started crying. It was too much. Her body shook as she sobbed in silence, the wind whistling a mechocly tune. The ‘what ifs’ played on repeat in her head. If she had just told Lena sooner, they wouldn’t be here right now. She could have finally told Lena how she felt. Everything would be different. But that had all been taken away now, and she was in so much pain. The longer she thought about it the more she couldn’t control the sobs that came out. Her head was in her hands when her com beeped. 

“Supergirl?” The sound of Alex’s voice had Kara straightening. 

“Yes?” She tried to sound attentive but her voice was scarchy from crying. 

“Are you okay?” Concern was evident in her voice. 

“I’m fine.” She lied and knew Alex did too. 

“Alright. You can head home.” She replied and Kara let out a sigh, feeling her phone buzz. It was text from Alex. 

**“You’re not fine. Do you want me to come over?”** it read and Kara debated it for a few moments. Alex would pry everything out of her and it would only make this all the more painful. She didn’t have that in her tonight. Maybe one day she’d tell her how she really felt about Lena but not tonight. She wiped at her eyes once more before declining Alex’s offer, telling her she just needed some sleep. 

**“I’m here for you when/if you want to talk about it. Love you.”** Alex’s message popped up and a new wave of tears hit Kara. She shut her eyes, taking a few deep breaths. Once she composed herself a bit more she made the quick flight home. Home was another issue all by itself. All the memories of her and Lena’s random antics came to her everytime she was here alone. She’d buried herself in work and being Supergirl to avoid being alone with her thoughts. The microwave hummed as she leaned on the island, watching her old Chinese food heat. A memory of her cooking Lena breakfast playing in her mind. 

_ “Can you put chocolate chips in them?” Lena asked. _

_ “How old are you?” Kara joked and Lena crossed her arms defensively.  _

_ “Chocolate chips shouldn’t be age restricted.” She almost grumbled but Luthor’s did not grumble. _

_ “I’m joking.” Kara laughed as she reached for the chocolate chips in the pantry. It wasn’t actually breakfast time, it was around 12am but the pair had a hankering for pancakes.  _

_ “Um I’m pretty sure three in plenty for me.” Lena laughed when Kara went to put another one on her plate.  _

_ “Sorry...I’m used to making enough for me.” Kara ducked her head slightly embarrassed.  _

_ “It’s fine.” Lena patted her hand, letting out a pleased noise as she took a bite of the pancake.  _

_ “Are they good?”  _

_ “Perfect.” Lena gave her a beaming smile and Kara felt her heart skip a beat.  _

The microwave beeped, drawing her out of the flashback. She ate in silence, picking at her food until is was mostly gone. A shower would hopefully make her feel better but as she stood under the hot spray she could feel that sadness still deep in her bones. When she got to earth she couldn’t of imagined she would ever feel this type of hurt again, yet here she was crying in her shower for the second time this week. A huffed left her lips as she collapsed onto her bed. Her phone was in her hand as she scrolled aimlessly through apps. It was a decent distraction from everything she was feeling. She was in the middle of a strange youtube video when she heard a barely audible knock at the door. Odd? Sitting up she looked through the door and her heart stopped. She had to be seeing things or dreaming maybe? Slowly she got out of bed and went to the door. Her hand hesitating over the doorknob. 

The door opened with a creak. 

Lena stood in the hallway, green eyes connecting with blue. She looked as if she had been crying, tear streaks running down her makeup. Her hair hanging loose down her shoulders. 

“Hi.” She said softly. 

“Hi.” Kara replied, followed by more silence. 

“I’m sorry, I’m here so late. I just-” Her eyes snapped shut. She had to keep it together or this conversation was never going to happen. “I just needed to talk to you.” 

“Okay.” Kara moved out of the way, letting the Luthor into the darkened apartment. The moon illuminated the space as the two stood awkwardly. “Do you want to sit?” Kara gestured stiffly to the couch.

“Yes, that’d be fine.” Lena hung her coat on the back of a chair before making her way to the couch. She looked like she’d also just gotten out of bed as well, in her leggings and an old t-shirt. Kara sat on the far end of the couch as the deafening silence returned again. A solid five minutes past of them just staring at their hands until Kara couldn’t take it anymore. 

“So...what’s up?” The phrase sounded way too casual in this setting but it was the best she had. 

Lena let out a breath before she spoke. “I miss you.” 

The single phrase sent Kara’s mind reeling. She missed her? Why? How? 

“I thought...you hated me?” 

“I could never hate you. I’m just still so angry with you.” Lena clinched her fist, feeling tears bubble up. 

“Lena, I’m sorry. I never wanted to lie to you.” Kara wished she could go back and fix this so badly. 

“But you did Kara. For so long.” Her voice was tired, she didn’t have the energy for rage right now. “I’m so angry but I can’t help but miss you. I miss you so fucking much and everyday I’m trying to forget what we hand but I can’t and it hurts. It  _ hurts. _ ” A single tear slipped, her hand shooting up to quickly wipe it way. Kara didn’t say anything as she continued. 

“I didn’t trust anyone. Not a soul until you came into my life. I thought I finally had someone who would never do what everyone else had done to me. I trusted you and you shattered it. So why is it that even through all of this I still can’t get you out of my head?” Lena finally let the tears fall. Kara scooted closer, wanting so badly to hug her but she resisted. 

“I miss you too. I think about you everyday and I wish I could go back and tell you the truth. I just liked being Kara with you. It felt so normal to not have to be Supergirl and Kara at the same time. You made me feel normal and I didn’t want to lose that Lena. I know you think it's because you’re a Luthor but that had nothing to do with it. It was all me.” Kara held back her own tears. 

“I wouldn't have cared that you were Supergirl! I just wanted my best friend!” Lena yelled through her tears. “I love Kara Danvers. Nothing it going to change that. All I wanted was for you to be honest with me, that’s my one thing and you didn’t do it. I just want people to be honest with me.” The last sentence came out in a whisper as more tears rolled down her reddened cheeks. Kara’s heart broke as she watched Lena cry on the other end of the couch. How could she fix this? 

“I was born on Krypton. My father’s name is Zor-El and my mother’s name is Alura. When I was thirteen my planet died and I was sent in a pod on a course for Earth.” Kara started her story and Lena slowly looked up. She listened attentively as Kara told the whole story about how she came to earth and was adopted by the Danvers. Where she went to school, how acclimating to pretending to be a human was and then switching to being Supergirl. She finished and they both were silent. 

“Why...why did you tell me all this?” Lena sniffed. 

“No lies. That’s everything about me. I love you Lena and I don’t want us to fight anymore.” Kara wiped at her eyes. Lena looked at her, trying to process all the emotions. The anger was still there but the more she thought about it the more muddled it became with understanding. 

“I don’t want to either. I...can understand why you didn’t want to but it still hurts Kara.” 

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry for not hearing you out before.” Lena hung her head, letting out a slow breath as they both processed. 

“So what now?” Kara peeked up to look at Lena. 

“I don’t know…” Lena paused when her mind remembered something. “You said you loved me back?” Her head snapped up to look at Kara who just blinked back owlishly. She hadn’t even realized she said it. 

“I did. I mean, I do.” Kara felt heat in her cheeks.    
“In...in what way?” Lena tested. 

“I mean you’re my best friend.” 

“Oh.” Lena said, disappointed. 

“But it's more than that. I’m-” Kara wrung her hands nervously, she did NOT expect this to happen tonight too. “I’m  _ in _ love with you.” She rushed the words out, her eyes glued to the floor as she waited for Lena to say something. 

“I’m in love with you too. I think that’s why this has sucked so much.” She let out a watery laugh. 

“Yeah probably.” Kara finally scooted closer. “Can I?” She asked, reaching up and Lena nodded, letting herself be pulled into a bone crushing hug. 

“I missed you so much.” Lena sighed. 

“Me too.” Kara buried her face into her shoulder. Relief washed over them, this felt right. Being in each others arms was the only place they had wanted to be for weeks. Lena let out a shuddering breath before speaking again. 

“If we do this, we both have to be open with each other. I can’t do this again.” Lena whispered in her ear. Kara hugged her tighter in response. 

“I promise, only the truth.” 

“Me too.” Lena pulled back, cupping Kara’s cheek as her thumb swiped away a stray tear. Kara’s eyes darted down to Lena’s lips, a slow smile spreading across the Luthor’s lips. Lena leaned in placing a light kiss on her lips. It was quick but god was it perfect. Kara’s eyes fluttered open, a goofy smile on her face. She leaned back in for another, letting themselves get lost in the sensation. Eventually Lena pulled back to breath, pressing their foreheads together. 

“Can you sleep here tonight? I don’t think I’ve gotten a good nights sleep in weeks.” Kara asked shyly. 

“God I was hoping I could, I haven’t slept either.” Lena sighed in relief. They made their way over to Kara’s bed, both feeling lighter. Lena nuzzled close as soon as they both were in bed, Kara wrapping an arm around her. 

“I love you Kara Danvers.” Lena whispered, half awake. 

“I love you Lena Luthor.” Kara said softly back. 

They both drifted off into what was honestly the best night's sleep they had ever had. 

**Author's Note:**

> Man this show...I get too heated from it which is why I had to quit lol But I hope you liked this short, I just had to get it out after I heard about the mess


End file.
